Travel Mishaps #1
Every time I tell people I am a flight attendant, they get all moony-eyed and gush about how amazing it must be and how I am living THE life.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I am so incredibly blessed to have this amazing opportunity to travel the world, but FA (flight attendant) life is far from glamourous. And to be frank, travel itself is not always the picture perfect shot we see on instagram.
In the spirit of being more real this post is about the not so glamourous side of world travel. Here are a few of my mishaps, missteps and embarrassments.
1. That time I got pooped on.
I know what you are thinking - pooped on by a bird right? WRONG.
By a baby? Try again!
Being pooped on by a bird or a baby sounds almost pleasurable after my experience in the Philippines.
Picture this. I’ve just gotten back from an unreal day of island hopping in El Nido. My girlfriends and I are just wiped from the sun and all we want is to get some grub and get our drink on. I’m sitting down on the restaurant patio, digging in to a rare find - a burrito when all of a sudden I smell something, uhm…off.
I’m mid-conversation, and I keep stopping to look around and figure out who is farting in this restaurant. Finally I feel something wet drip down my arm.
I look down, horrified to discover the unmistakable presence of human feces, nay, human diarrhea all over my shirt and down the side of my arm.
Needless to say, that meal abruptly ended with me sprinting to the washroom to …ahem…toss my cookies and scrub the offending substance off of myself.
Where did it come from, you may ask?
That my friends, I would love to know. My best guess is that someone, for some unknown reason, tossed the human excrement out of the window of the apartment above, and it dripped down the pillars supporting the roof and landed on one lucky girl.
I left that shirt, my favourite by the way, a layer of my skin and a solid year off my liver on the island.
2. That time I ripped my pants on an international flight.
Have you ever split your pants in public? Yes.
Good, now imagine doing it at work…
at 38,000 feet …
in the middle of an 8 hour flight.
That is precisely what happened to me.
There I was, minding my business, cleaning up the galley after meal service when I bent over to pick up something that had fallen on the ground. That is the fated moment when I heard a loud clap, felt a blast of cold air and heard the gasps and muffled laughter of my fellow crew members.
My pants hand just popped open from crotch to waistband.
Of course I had a spare pair waiting in my suitcase to prevent me from walking around with my cardigan as the only barrier between and my new ass-less chaps… NOT.
Luckily for me A) it takes a lot to embarrass me and B) one of my very good friends was working in the forward galley.
My dear friend sewed my poor pants back together and I was able to make it home. Shout out to Chrystal, you the real MVP.
3. That time my travel buddy fell off a waterfall.
Yes, that's right, OFF A WATERWALL, or I guess more accurately, down a waterfall. But still...
Now I know this technically didn't happen to me but the poor Filipino tour guide was just a tiny as she was, so I did carry her the rest of the way down and out of the network of waterfalls we had just climbed. This one was especially crappy because she sprained her ankle right at the beginning of our trip, we weren't able to continue our waterfall tours and the poor girl had a wicked sunburn on her back.
Just kidding, chase those waterfalls guys... just proceed with caution.
4. That time my Kobo was stolen from the hostel.
While backpacking in Australia I made the mistake of leaving my Kobo on the top bunk of my bed while I went out for a few hours. Although I was on the top bunk, someone still managed to see it and swipe it before I returned. Unfortunately the reality of travel is that sometimes people will rip you off and sometimes people will steal from you. The worst of these is when travelers steal from other travelers. Luckily for every person with bad intentions there are 20 more with the best intentions just waiting to give you a helping hand.
5. That time my iPhone took a swim.
Now this one has happened to me one too many times and I'm sure you've been there without the element of travel, but it becomes a whole different monster when your phone stops working while traveling.
The first time I lost a phone to water while traveling was on my trip to Thailand. I had put my phone in my friend's bag for safe-keeping at a pool party, when she began play wrestling with another traveler. It happened as though in slow motion, when he picked her (and her backpack) up and she laughed and laughed all the way into the pool with both of our phones.
To rub salt in this wound, I had bought it one week prior to this trip and hers survived...mine did not.
The second time I lost a phone to water while traveling, I may have been slightly intoxicated and drowned it at a Vegas pool party. To be fair, after speaking with my friends, I learned that I had done an excellent job keeping my wristlet (which contained the poor phone) out of the water until the point where I started to go cross-eyed. Thank God I left my passport at home that time.
And the third time this happened, I hadn't even began to drink. I was out for dinner at a pub in Dublin and the phone fell out of my back pocket and into the toilet.
Seriously Tanisha, you in Dublin, sober?
I know its shocking but I was getting my square meal as a solid base when this happened. This time was just bad luck.
The reason I say third and not last is that I am not tempting fate. I now expect my phone to take a swim. the funny thing is that while I had a lifeproof case on it, it never came close to an aquatic excursion.
Travel truly does have its ups and downs, and everyone will experience them in one way or another. That being said, don't let life's bloopers stop you from experiencing all you can. Plus, the embarrassing moments and unfortunate mishaps make for the best stories. I promise to continue collecting them for a future post.
Peace & Love,