U-G-L-Y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly
So… let’s talk about the green-eyed monster.
I know that I am super guilty of this. I sometimes look at what other women are doing and I find myself criticizing them because I am jealous. Whether it be because I am envious of their body, their job, their lifestyle or their relationship I catch myself tearing other women down. And that, that is super problematic.
What I am realizing as I get older and continue to surround myself with inspiring, hard-working, incredible women is that we need to be lifting each other up. Is it natural to be envious of someone else, of course and I am not going to reprimand myself for that, it is what I choose to do with that experience that really speaks to who I am. I don’t need to use jealousy as an excuse to pick apart my “competition,” I need to use jealousy as a catalyst to inspiration and creating aspirations for myself.
These women are not less deserving than me to have what I want, in reality, it’s that I am just as deserving and I need to take the steps that are needed to get it. The tearing down of other women comes from a place of insecurity and I’m now trying to use that gut reaction to insult or tear down as a mirror to myself. What is it that I am seeing in this other person that is causing me to feel insecure and lash out. What is it in myself I need to work on to deal with those feelings.
tearing down of other women comes from a place of insecurity
Guys, I can honestly admit I am a work in progress, but I can also say that I have noticed some major changes in myself since I noticed this tendency in myself.
For example: I was having a conversation with some of my girlfriends about one of them running into an ex with a new girl. Now, this relationship was horribly toxic for her and he never treated her with the respect that she deserved. He always made her feel like she wasn’t enough. This does not change the emotional reaction that she had to this situation, if anything it reinforced her feeling that she wasn’t enough.
But what I found interesting, but also disheartening is that a lot of the reactions from the women I was speaking with were to immediately tear down this girl. A girl none of us had ever met or seen, a girl who had done nothing to anyone but accept an invitation for a date with this man. She didn’t know their backstory, but you would think she was a calculating home-wrecker. From saying she was ugly or stupid to assuring our friend that she will learn how he is when the same thing happened to her, I found myself wondering why is it that we as women think this kind of talk would make her feel any better. Why would we need to assassinate the character or wish ill upon another woman to help heal another?
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to say that I am any better than my friends, this isn’t a holier than thou post. I have been just as guilty of the same behaviours on more than one occasion, especially if I feel threatened or injured by a behaviour. But what I am saying is that I am consciously trying to cut that shit out.
I’m trying to be the best version of myself, and that comes with bumps in the road and a lot of growing pains. I hope from this post I have encouraged you to think about how you speak about other women. I hope that you will join me in challenging myself to create community over competition. I hope that you can start to see what I am seeing, that there is a seat at the table for all of us. And I hope that you continue to grow and achieve your dreams.
Peace, love, and prosecco,